Google I/O 2016: Throwing shit at the wall to see what gets discontinued first

An incomplete, half-assed list of all the things Google will abandon in the coming months, via Google I/O

Google I/O used to be something exciting for Google users. In years past we’ve seen the introduction of the Chromebook, incredible Chrome and Google Apps updates, and cool Google hardware like Glass. Now it’s just a fluff-fest. Here’s everything Google will discontinue ASAP.

Google Allo and Duo

Not happy with their newly unified messaging app, questionably called Hangouts, Google are now branching out into classic Google territory, adding two new messaging apps to the stable. Bloggers are gonna eat this shit up, even though it’s just another two apps that Google will discontinue due to niche uptake. I can already see David Pierce’s glowing review coming right now. Code is dead!

The first new messaging app from Google is called Allo. Yep. What a name.

But what’s the difference between this and Hangouts? Well, Allo I really don’t know. There’s emojis (for #teens), text size options so you can show how important a message is I guess, and a feature to draw on photos. Snapchat, uh I mean Allo, is coming to iPhone and Android. It doesn’t work on desktop. It also includes a Google Assistant feature that will likely outlive any other aspect of this app with smart assistant features.

Next up is Duo, another video calling app from Google.

Unhappy with their superb video calling app Hangouts, Duo is a one-on-one video calling experience. It includes the dumbest feature of all time, Knock Knock, which allows you to see a video feed from whoever is calling you before you even answer. Built for abuse, get ready to utilise that block feature when you start seeing dongs and other crap show up on your phone screen before you even hit the accept button. Duo is a FaceTime alternative that didn’t need to exist.

The main differentiation between these apps and Hangouts is that they work without a Google account, although you can tie both apps to your Google ID. They also only work on mobile.

Free advice to Google though: maybe just relaunch Google Hangouts as Google Chat, remove the need to have a Google account (like Facebook Messenger), and stop making separate, barely differentiated messaging apps.

Forecast: D.O.A. Discontinued within 24 months.

Google Home

Google Home is an Amazon Echo-clone that sounds cool because it plugs into Google’s great search engine. It has smart-home features for anyone who wants to spend a lot of money just so they can say “Okay Google turn off my lights” 5 times a day. Sundar Pichai even pointed out the fact that the new product was heavily inspired by Amazon’s Echo on-stage. It comes out “in the Fall”.

Forecast: Might survive (!)

Android is getting better for Nexus users

Get ready to grab your Nexus! Google are adding some new features that only a small percentage of current Android users will ever see. More precisely, around 7.5% of users.

There’s a new split-screen mode feature for apps, as well as a sweep feature for the multitasking drawer.

Google also showcased an Instant Apps feature, which lets you preview some apps without actually downloading them. It should work on older phones too.

CNET has a handy comparison story with iOS that you can send to all of your iSheep friends too. 7.5% baby! Rock it! :-)

Forecast: Will take years to reach most Android users, and even then it’ll be hidden behind Samsung bullshit.

Google also did VR

It comes this “Fall”. It’s a new platform called Daydream. There’s a controller that may exist and a headset that doesn’t yet exist. Does this replace Google Cardboard? I dunno yet tbh fam.

Forecast: Not even real yet, apart from the software.

Instant Apps

Forecast: lol